英語(yǔ)笑話60詞
1.
A Blind Beggar
There was a blind beggar wearing sunglasses and asking for money. A drunk man walked by, thinking the beggar was pitiful, threw him a hundred dollars.After walking a few steps, the drunkard turned around to see the blind man holding the money up to the sunlight to check if it was genuine. The drunk man, feeling cheated, ran back and snatched the money back, “You’re gonna die! How dare you cheat me…”The blind man, not wanting to feel like a cheater, retorted, “Hey man, I’m sorry, I’m just here to replace my friend who really is blind. He went to the bathroom, and should be right back… Actually… I’m mute.”“Oh, oh, in that case...” whereupon the drunk threw the money back and stumbled away.
醉漢和盲人乞丐
在路邊一個(gè)盲人乞丐戴著墨鏡在街上行乞。一個(gè)醉漢走過(guò)來(lái)，覺(jué)得他可憐，就扔了一百元給他。走了一段路，醉漢一回頭，恰好看見(jiàn)那個(gè)盲人正對(duì)著太陽(yáng)分辨那張百元大抄的真假。醉漢過(guò)來(lái)一把奪回錢(qián)道：“你不想活了，竟敢騙老子!” 盲人乞丐一臉委屈說(shuō)：“大哥，真對(duì)不起啊，我是替一個(gè)朋友在這看一下，他是個(gè)瞎子，去上廁所了，其實(shí)我是個(gè)啞巴。”“哦，是這樣子啊!”于是醉漢扔下錢(qián)， 又搖搖晃晃地走了……
2.
At the mall, my wife and I picked up some hardware items, including a handsaw. We were heading back to the car when we passed a steakhouse.
Let's try it. " my wife suggested. Although I felt a little foolish carrying the saw, I followed her inside.
Scanning the menu, my wife told the waitress, " I' 11 have chopped sirloin, please.
The waitress turned to me, eyed my saw and commented, "And I see that. you, sir, have come for our T-bone special.
在集市上，我和妻子買了一些五金用品，包括一個(gè)手鋸。我們返回汽車時(shí)剛好路過(guò)一家牛排店。 “我們嘗嘗吧，”我妻子建議說(shuō)。盡管我覺(jué)得拿著鋸有點(diǎn)傻乎乎的，但還是隨她走了進(jìn)去。 我妻子掃視了一下菜單對(duì)女招待說(shuō)：“請(qǐng)給我來(lái)一份炒牛腰片。” 女招待轉(zhuǎn)向我，看了看我的鋸，說(shuō)道：“我能看出，先生，你是來(lái)吃我們的T形骨特色菜的。”
3.
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents'. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."
His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers God isn't deaf."
To which the younger one replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
兩個(gè)小男孩在他們的祖父母家過(guò)夜。睡覺(jué)時(shí)間到了，這兩個(gè)小男孩跪在床上祈禱。弟弟用非常大的聲音祈禱著，“我祈求有一輛新自行車……我祈求有一個(gè)新游戲機(jī)……我祈求有一個(gè)新錄像機(jī)……”
他的哥哥用胳膊肘輕輕地碰了他一下，說(shuō)：“你為什么這么大聲地喊叫呢?上帝又不是聾子。”
弟弟聽(tīng)了回答道：“上帝是不聾，可奶奶聾呀!”
4.
The patient is adamant. "Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans. . ." "What makes you think you need all these " Well, replied the patient, "My boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganized."
這個(gè)病人顯得很堅(jiān)決。“醫(yī)生，我需要做肝臟移植、腎臟移植、心臟移植、角膜移植、脾臟移植、胰腺移植和……” “你為什么認(rèn)為你需要做這么多移植手術(shù)?”病人回答：“哦，是這樣，我的.老板說(shuō)如果我這個(gè)人不重新組裝的話，就別想保住我的工作!”
5.
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office.
"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom，he's dead."
Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hung him up to dry."
Jim和Mary都是精神病院里的病人。一天，他們沿著醫(yī)院的游泳池散步，Jim突然跳入泳池的深水區(qū)，他沉到了底部。Mary立刻跳下去救他，她潛到水底，把Jim拉了上來(lái)。
當(dāng)院長(zhǎng)聽(tīng)聞了Mary的英勇行為后，他立刻翻看了她的病歷檔案,把她叫進(jìn)了自己的辦公室.
“Mary，我有一個(gè)好消息和一個(gè)壞消息要告訴你。好消息是你能跳入水中救其他病人，這說(shuō)明你的意識(shí)已經(jīng)恢復(fù)了，你可以出院了。壞消息就是，Jim，你救的那個(gè)病人，他還是用自己的浴袍帶子在浴室上吊自殺了。”
Mary說(shuō)：“他沒(méi)有自殺，是我把他吊起來(lái)好讓他晾干。”
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