最搞笑的英語笑話匯集
怕老婆的丈夫
The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives.He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely. Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right. “It's good to see，”said the king，“that we have one real man in the kingdom.Tell these chickenhearted dunces why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.” “Your Majesty，”came the reply in a squealing voice，“it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.”
古代有一個國王，他想證明他領(lǐng)土內(nèi)的男人并非像人們傳說的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說，哪個男人膽敢不說實(shí)話，就會受到嚴(yán)厲的懲罰。然后，他叫所有聽從妻子的命令和意見的男人都走向大廳的左側(cè)。所有的男人都站到了左側(cè)，只有一個小個子男人站到了右側(cè)。國王說：“看到我們國家里還有一個真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，為什么在他們當(dāng)中只有你一個人站在大廳的右側(cè)。” “陛下，”那人尖聲地回答：“因?yàn)樵谖页鲩T之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆。”
the important of a second language
A cat and her four kittens ran into a large dog. When the kittens cowered, the cat let out a series of loud barks, scaring the dog away.
Turning to her kittens, the cat said, "You see how important it is to know a second language."
一天，一只貓媽媽領(lǐng)著4只小貓?jiān)诼飞献撸瑓s遇到了一只大狗。小貓們嚇的蜷縮成了一團(tuán)，這時貓媽媽吼出了一連串的汪汪聲，大狗被嚇跑了。貓媽媽轉(zhuǎn)過身來對幾個小貓說，“孩子們，看看掌握一門外語是多么的重要呀!”
A preacher is buying a parrot 傳教士買鸚鵡
A preacher is buying a parrot
Are you sure it doesnt scream, yell, or swear? asked the preacher.
Oh absolutely. Its a religious parrot, the storekeeper assures him.
Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lords prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.
Wonderful! says the preacher, but what happens if you pull both strings?
I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! screeched the parrot.
一個傳教士在買鸚鵡
“你確信它不會尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問。
“哦，絕對不會。它是一只虔誠的鸚鵡。”店主保證說。
“你看見它腿上的這些細(xì)繩了嗎?當(dāng)你拉動右面的`這根，它會背誦天主經(jīng)，當(dāng)你拉動左面的那根，它會背誦贊美詩”
“太棒了!”傳教士說，“但是如果我同時拉動兩條繩子，會發(fā)生什么呢?”
“我會從樹干上掉下去的，你這個笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說道。
How can I get into heaven 我怎么才能上天堂
"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the poor, would I get into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.
"No!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church everyday, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "No!"
"Well, " I continued, "then how can I get into heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"
“如果我把房子和車賣了，在車庫舉行義賣, 并把所有的錢給窮人，我能進(jìn)天堂嗎?”我問主日學(xué)校的孩子。
孩子們齊聲回答：“不能!”
“那如果我每天都打掃教堂，給院子的草坪割草，并且把東西都收拾得干凈整潔，我會上天堂嗎?”
回答還是：“不能!”“好吧， ”我繼續(xù)問, “那我要怎樣才能升天堂呢?”
一個五歲的男孩兒叫道：“你得死了才行!”
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