幽默搞笑段子英語笑話

時間：2024-08-31 13:36:16 英語笑話我要投稿

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幽默搞笑段子英語笑話

　　人們什么時候說話最少?

幽默搞笑段子英語笑話

　　Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?

　　老師: 湯姆，“男人”這個詞的復數(shù)形式是什么?

　　Tom: Men.

　　湯姆:男人們。

　　Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

　　老師: 答得好。那“孩子”的復數(shù)形式呢?

　　Tom : Twins.

　　湯姆: 雙胞胎。

　　Boss's idea

　　When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.

　　Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job myself.

　　Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

　　"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repair things themselves first."

　　由于我的打印機不能打印出清晰的字來，我就打電話給維修部。電話是一位非常和藹的男人接的，他說我的打印機也許只是需要清理一下。

　　他還說，如果讓維修部清理的話要交50英鎊的清理費，讓我最好看看使用手冊自己試著清理。

　　當時我真的被他的話感動了，就問他：“你們老板知道你這樣拒絕生意么?”

　　“事實上，這就是我們老板的主意，”雇員答道：“因為如果我們讓用戶先自行修理打印機的話就能掙更多的錢。”

　　Good news or Bad news?

　　An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.

　　"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.

　　"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.

　　"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

　　"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be?"

　　With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor."

　　以為藝術(shù)家在一個畫廊辦了個展覽，他問店主是否有人對他參展的畫感興趣。

　　“我有一個好消息和一個壞消息。”店主回答。

　　“先告訴我好消息。”畫家要求道。

　　“好消息是一位紳士詢問了你的作品，還問它是否會在你死后增。我告訴他會的，然后他買下了你所有的15幅畫作。”

　　“那太棒了!”畫家驚嘆。“那么什么會是壞消息呢?”

　　店主想了想之后說：“問那個問題的是你的醫(yī)生”。

　　有效

　　Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

　　湯姆早上老起不來，所以上班總是遲到。他的老板非常生氣，警告他如果他不能有所改善的話就炒他的魷魚。于是，湯姆去看醫(yī)生，醫(yī)生給了他一顆藥丸并告訴他要在睡覺前服下這顆藥。湯姆照醫(yī)生的話做了，睡得非常之好，事實上，他在早上鬧鐘響之前就起來了。湯姆從容不迫地吃完早餐，然后興高采烈地開車上班去了。 “老板”，湯姆說，“那藥真管用，我的睡眠好極了!” “是夠管用的，”老板說，“問題是，昨天你人哪去了”?

　　兩塊蛋糕

　　Two Pieces of Cake

　　Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?

　　Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!

　　湯姆：媽媽，我可以吃兩塊蛋糕嗎?

　　媽媽：當然可以----拿這塊蛋糕把它切成兩塊吧!

　　離婚

　　A husband and wife,both 91,stood before a judge,asking for a divorce."I don't understand,"He said,"Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"

　　the husband explained "Well , you see,We wanted to wait until the children died."

　　有一個丈夫和妻子都是91歲，他們站在法官面前，要求離婚。“我不明白，”法官說，“你們?yōu)槭裁吹搅诉@把年紀還要離婚?”

　　丈夫解釋道：“嗯，你是知道的，我們以前是喲等到孩子們都死了。”

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