英文的爆笑笑話

時間：2020-08-26 18:15:22 英語笑話我要投稿

英文的爆笑笑話大全

　　要是有一則笑話解決不了的事，那就兩則笑話，看笑話，能讓我們變得開心，今天小編為大家準備了英文的爆笑笑話大全，歡迎閱讀!

英文的爆笑笑話大全

　　英文的爆笑笑話一：To Profit from a Misfortune 因禍得福

　　A man was a butterfingers(手腳笨拙的.人). He had been suffering from unemployment for months.

　　At last he found a job in a chinaware house. He had worked only a few days when he dropped a large vase.

　　The manager summoned him to the office and told him that money would be deductedfrom his wages every week until the vase was paid for. He asked: "How much did it cost?" "Five hundred dollars." said the manager. "Oh, that's wonderful," he said happily, "I'm so happy that I have got a steady job at last."

　　有一個人很粗心，老是打爛東西。他已失業好幾個月了。

　　最后他在一個瓷器店找到了一個工作�？墒遣鸥闪藥滋�，英語小故事他就打爛了一個很大的花瓶。

　　經理把他到辦公室去，告訴他每個星期都要扣他的工錢，直到賠償夠了為止。他就問：“那個花瓶值多少錢?”經理說：“值500美元。”他很高興地說：“啊!太妙了，我非常高興，終于有個穩定的工作啦。”

　　英文的爆笑笑話二：交通事故

　　A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign ...hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold.

　　有個人開車行駛在上班的路上，一輛卡車闖紅燈從側面撞上了他的車，當時他就不省人事了。

　　Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revived him.

　　路旁的行人把他從車里拉出來并喚醒他。

　　He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics.

　　剛一醒過來，他就拼命的掙扎著，最后不得不用了藥物才讓他鎮靜下來。

　　Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so.

　　過了一會兒，他平靜了，別人問他為什么要這么恐怖的掙扎，

　　He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing.

　　他說：“被撞之后我就什么都不知道了，

　　I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody was standing in front of the 'S.'

　　當我醒過來，我發現我躺在了路邊，前面是一個巨大的廣告牌上面閃爍著‘殼牌’，但是有個人擋住了那個s。”

　　英文的爆笑笑話三：離事故有多遠?

　　A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed.

　　一位木匠正在為他目擊的一起事故作證。

　　The judge asked him how far away he was from the accident.

　　法官問他當時離事發現場有多遠。

　　The carpenter replied "twenty seven feet, six-and-one-half- inches".

　　木匠回答，“27英尺，6.5英寸”。

　　"What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the judge.

　　法官問：“什么?你怎么能這樣確定?”

　　"Well, I knew some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.

　　木匠回答，“是啊，我知道一定會有傻瓜問我這個問題，所以我事先測量了一下。”

　　英文的爆笑笑話四：A drunk decides to go ice fishing 酒鬼釣魚

　　A drunk decides to go ice fishing, so he gathers his gear and goes walking around until he finds a big patch of ice. He heads into the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole.

　　All of a sudden, a loud booming voice comes out of the sky. "You will find no fish under that ice."

　　The drunk looks around, but sees no one. He starts sawing again. Once more, the voice speaks, "as I said before, there are no fish under the ice."

　　The drunk looks all around, high and low, but can't see a single soul. He picks up the saw and tries one more time to finish.

　　Before he can even start cutting, the huge voice interrupts. "I have warned you three times now. There are no fish!"

　　The drunk is now flustered and somewhat scared, so he asks the voice, "how do you know there are no fish? Are you God trying to warn me?"

　　"No," the voice replied. "I am the manager of this hockey rink."

　　一個酒鬼想在冰上垂釣，因此，他整理好釣魚用具后，便四處去尋找釣魚場所。最終，他發現了一大塊冰，就跑到冰的中心開始鋸洞。

　　這時，突然從天空中傳來一個急速擴大的聲音。“你是不會在冰的下面找到魚的。”

　　這個酒鬼朝周圍看了看，可是沒有一個人影。他又繼續鋸了起來。那個說話人的聲音再次響了起來：“我已經說過了，冰的下面沒有魚。”

　　那個酒鬼又向四周從高處到低處看了半天，可還是什么也沒有看見。他又拿起鋸繼續往下鋸。

　　他剛要鋸冰面的時候，那個巨大的聲音喝止他說：“現在，我第三次警告你，這下面沒有魚!”

　　酒鬼頓時有些驚慌失措，甚至恐懼起來，于是他問那個聲音：“你是如何知道這下面沒有魚的?上帝呀，難道是你在警告我嗎?”

　　“不是，”那個聲音回答他，“我是冰球場的經理。”

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