搞笑兒童英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)集錦
一個(gè)人的聰明才智會(huì)在幽默的談吐中閃光，并且會(huì)深深吸引他人。下面，小編給大家收集整理了搞笑兒童英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)集錦，增加幽默細(xì)胞，聰明的你一定會(huì)成為閃光點(diǎn)。
搞笑兒童英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)一：Wife's picture
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.
After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martinis all night long. But you go to tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife.When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."
搞笑兒童英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)二：開(kāi)窗
A gentleman was sitting quietly in a first-class compartment. Two ladies got in. One of them saw that the window was open and she shut it before sitting down."Open it again," said the second lady, "I'll die of suffocation(窒息，悶死) if there is no fresh air.""I won't open it," said the first lady, "I'll die of cold if the window is open."A querrel started, and it continued until the gentleman spoke:"Let's have the window shut until this lady has died of suffocation, and then we can have it open until this lady has died of cold. After that it will be nice and quiet in here again."
解決問(wèn)題的好辦法 一位紳士正靜靜地坐在頭等包廂里，有兩位女士走了進(jìn)來(lái)。其中一位見(jiàn)窗戶(hù)開(kāi)著，就在落坐之前把窗戶(hù)“把窗戶(hù)打開(kāi)，”第二位女士說(shuō)道，“如果沒(méi)有新鮮空氣，我會(huì)被憋死的。” “不能打開(kāi)，”第一位說(shuō)道，“如果它開(kāi)著，我會(huì)被凍死的。” 一場(chǎng)爭(zhēng)吵開(kāi)始，沒(méi)完沒(méi)了，直到那位紳士開(kāi)口： “我們先讓窗戶(hù)關(guān)著，直到把這位女士憋死，然后再打開(kāi)窗戶(hù)，直到把這位女士?jī)鏊馈Ｄ且院螅@兒就可以恢復(fù)平靜了。”
搞笑兒童英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)三：Still a virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously1 divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin2."
"What?" said the puzzled groom3.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement5, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing4: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
搞笑兒童英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)四：This just in : NEW VIRUS WARNING
If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous Email virus yet.
It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles . It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.
It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.
It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.
Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.
Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
這是一個(gè)：電腦新病毒的警告
如果你收到一封主題是“ 倒霉透了”的郵件時(shí)，立即刪除千萬(wàn)不要閱讀。這是迄今最為危險(xiǎn)的郵件病毒。
它會(huì)重寫(xiě)你的硬盤(pán)，不止這些，還會(huì)損壞任何離你電腦很近的磁碟。重置你冰箱的制冷度數(shù)讓好吃的冰淇淋全部化掉，牛奶也餿掉。它還會(huì)讓你的所有信用卡磁條失效，更改你在自動(dòng)提款機(jī)上取錢(qián)的密碼，你錄像機(jī)上的影像資料也會(huì)變得亂七八糟，它還利用子空間場(chǎng)諧波刮壞任何你想聽(tīng)的CD。
它還會(huì)把你的新電話(huà)號(hào)碼告訴你的舊情人，把防凍劑注入到你的魚(yú)缸里，它將喝光你所有的啤酒，然后，當(dāng)有人上門(mén)的時(shí)候，將它的臭襪子留在茶幾上。
當(dāng)你遲到的時(shí)候它會(huì)藏起你的車(chē)鑰匙，還會(huì)干擾你車(chē)內(nèi)的音響系統(tǒng)，好讓你在塞車(chē)的時(shí)候欣賞沙沙的靜電聲。
“倒霉透了”還會(huì)把你的'洗發(fā)水換成脫毛膏，然后把你的脫毛膏換成生發(fā)液.還始終在你背后與你的現(xiàn)任情人幽會(huì)，用你的維薩信用卡支付他們的酒店浪漫費(fèi)用。
它會(huì)色誘你的祖母，不管她在不在人世。這些都顯示了此郵件的影響力，它就是這樣毀掉了墳?zāi)箖?nèi)外所有美好的事。
這個(gè)郵件會(huì)使你患上荷蘭榆樹(shù)病，它會(huì)讓你的屁股永遠(yuǎn)放不到馬桶座墊上，還會(huì)把電吹風(fēng)插在放滿(mǎn)水的浴缸旁邊的插座上，它會(huì)肆意篡改枕頭和床墊的禁止事項(xiàng)，把脫脂牛奶換成全脂牛奶。它躲在暗處，到處寫(xiě)滿(mǎn)了它的危險(xiǎn)和可怕，不過(guò)，它呈現(xiàn)的淡紫色到是相當(dāng)有趣的。
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