短幽默英語笑話

時(shí)間：2020-10-17 11:10:26 英語笑話我要投稿

短幽默英語笑話

　　笑話大多揭示生活中乖謬的現(xiàn)象，具有諷刺性和娛樂性。其趣味有高下之分。小編你挑選了短幽默英語笑話，希望你會(huì)喜歡，一起來歡樂笑笑啊!

短幽默英語笑話

　　短幽默英語笑話一：Bad Stomach

　　A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured with a small course of two

　　suppositories inserted deep up the back passage. The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over, and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him the second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours time using rubber gloves and KY-Jelly or something.

　　So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth. Thus, he calls

　　his wife over and tells her what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home.

　　Suddenly the man screams in disgust.

　　"What's the matter?" asked his wife. "Did I hurt you?"

　　"No," replies the man, "but I just realized that when the doctor did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulders."

　　短幽默英語笑話二：Trained parrot

　　There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best to her.

　　Son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer her.

　　Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included, thinking this would surely win her approval.

　　Son #3 had to do something even better, so he bought her a parrot that he had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask the parrot any verse in the Bible, and he could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be.

　　Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous, but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's too large to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."

　　Then she confronted her second son with, "Son, the car is beautiful. It has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and really don't like the chauffeur, so please return the car."

　　Next, she went to Son #3 and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for your most thoughtful gift. That chicken was delicious."

　　短幽默英語笑話三：New Job

　　A man in a taxi cab taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamsbloody murder, loses control of the cab, and swerves onto the sidewalk before stopping just inches from a lamppost.

　　After checking to make sure the passenger is OK, the driver says "I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me!"

　　"Sorry. I didn't realize a simple tap on the shoulder would freak you out so much," the passenger says.

　　"It's not your fault," replies the cabbie.

　　"Today is my first day on the job after 25 years of driving a hearse."

　　短幽默英語笑話四：aircut

　　A priest goes into a barbershop, gets a haircut, thanks the barber and asks how much he owes him.The barber says, "Father, you're a holy man of the cloth, I couldn't charge you, it's on the house."The priest says, "Thank you, my son," and leaves.The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 silver coins. A few days later, a Sheik goes in for a trim, and when the time comes to pay the barber says,"No money, please. You're a spiritual leader, a man of the people, it's on the house."The Sheik says, "God bless you," and leaves.The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep are 12 gold coins. The following week a rabbi comes in, gets a haircut, goes to pay, and the barber says,"No, Rabbi, you are a learned man, a wise man, I can't take any money from you, go in peace."The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 Rabbis!

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